As I wrote in my first essay on marriage, I wrote a second essay after the first, instead of combining them, I left them separate. This is Part II. Part one can be found here.
I was thinking about marriage again, and
wondering what makes a good marriage.
Obviously love and commitment are important. Actually, the thought just occurred to me
that all the fruits of the spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23 are present in
great marriages.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy,
peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self
control.”
However, life isn’t abstract so I don’t want to
look at marriage as an abstract ideal. I want to look more at the husband and
wife in the marriage. First a
disclaimer, I am no expert on this subject.
I am an engineer, not a marriage expert, and I have no practical
marriage experience since I'm a bachelor, so take everything I say with a grain
of salt. Since I hope to get married one
day, I have spent time observing the marriages of Christian friends and
family. Relax, I have not made any
notes, or installed any surveillance equipment, I have only filed things away
for future reference. It’s part of my
engineer make-up, what can I say.
As a guy, we like to think of ourselves as “the man.” We all have different ideas on what being
“the man” actually entails. In general, “the man” is the provider. We provide for the well-being of our family,
food, clothing, and shelter. We derive a
lot of self worth from how effective we are at providing for our family. God
has some pretty clear direction on how we are to treat our wives in Ephesians
5:25-31
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ
loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by
the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a
radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body,
but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- for we are
members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
The husbands in the marriages I have observed
are living out these verses. They are no longer interested in their vain
pursuits. (I have been reading a lot of Ecclesiastes lately, so vanity and vain pursuits have
been on my mind a lot) They are devoted to their wives, their best friend, and
helping her achieve her hopes and dreams. They realize the truth of Proverbs 18:22 “He
who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” One day I hope to as mature as these Godly
men I know.
In my prior essay on marriage I stated,
“Ladies, I’m not even going to try to give advice here since I don’t pretend to
understand women.” Well, I still don’t
understand women but this time I am going to offer my opinion. Also, I haven’t really studied women. I realized all that would get me was a
headache, and maybe a black eye, or whacked upside the head. What I have
noticed is the effect a wife has on a marriage.
I have learned some very interesting things along the way.
Did you know, the first three times the phase “noble character” is used in
scripture; it is used to describe women.
(Ruth 3:11, Proverbs 12:4, and 31:10)
There is a phrase in used in education that says “Character counts.”
This is very true in marriage.
Proverbs 31:10-31
10. A wife of noble character who can find? She
is worth far more than rubies.
11. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
16. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29. “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
30. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
11. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
16. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29. “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
30. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
The verses that stick out to me are 10-12, and
28. Godly women truly are to be honored.
Verse 11 says “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing
of value.” And verse 28 follows that up with “Her children arise and call her
blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:” It has been my observation that
even though the husband is the head in marriage, his wife is his earthly
anchor. As they say, behind every good man is a great woman. The impact that a godly wife can have on
marriage is astounding. As an aside to
husbands, these verses serve as reminder to affirm your wives.
The women I have observed in Godly marriages
are living out Proverbs 31:10-31. They
are devoted to their husbands and family and enjoy a vibrant personal
relationship with God.
Together these godly men and women are examples
of great marriages to all of us single people still searching for a lifelong
relationship.
