Relationships

(I wrote this one a few years ago and it was also a guest blog on Jeff Dickhut's site so I decided to put it up here as a part of my beginnings)

 

I’ve tentatively titled this essay Relationships.  I may change the title, it’s 2 am and I'm getting tired.  The genesis of this essay was a mini discussion that I was having with God earlier tonight 6-15-07, after getting off the phone with a friend.  The enemy was trying to attack me and I wasn’t in the best mood.  OK, I was starting to whine.  The “discussion” went more like this:

 
Me “God, why? why? why?”
God “Who is in charge, me or you.”
Me “you”
God “Do you trust me?”
Me “yes”
God “OK, then shut up and listen to what I am going to show you for the umpteenth time.”

As you can see, it was a one sided discussion. Many of my discussions with the Lord seem to go that way.

As I have said to a friend, I have the social skills of an aardvark. I am not the type of person to walk into a room and immediately make 10 new friends. It takes me a long while to open up to people. Even with those whom I love I sometimes have trouble communicating effectively. I chalk it up to a combination of my upbringing and my natural abilities; I’m more analytical and less touchy, feely.

On the other hand I think I am a hopeless romantic. Ok, I’ll let you in on a little secret, I am pretty sure I am, I watch “The Wedding Singer,” “A Walk to Remember,” and “Ever After” whenever they are on cable. I love the end of “The Wedding singer.” I think they are great movies, but don’t tell any guys or my membership in the guy club may be revoked. For the record, I also get worked up when I watch more manly movies like “Saving Private Ryan,” “Band of Brothers,” and “Rudy,” especially at the end when the team and stands chat Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, etc. You can stop laughing now! As fun as those romantic comedies are, they really are not accurate pictures of relationships.

Real relationships, and I am taking friendships too, not just dating relationships, take time and energy. In order to get to know someone you must spend quality time with him or her. You have to give of yourself putting others ahead of you. That’s sounds obvious, but with today’s fast-paced world it is not easy. I am guilty of spending too much time at my career and losing some friendships along the way. I struggle with this daily. Real relationships are like washing your car. You can spend time washing, drying, waxing, buffing, using Armor-all on the tires, etc and feel a sense of accomplishment, or you can spend $15 on Delta Sonic and be in and out in 10 minutes.

After God told me to shut up and listen, He brought me to a few verses

“A friend loves at all times,” – Proverbs 17:17

What is love?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

There is nothing in this passage that speaks to being in a rush. In fact patience and perseverance are mentioned, and mean quite the opposite.

Patience is defined: a virtue, is the capacity of enduring hardship or inconvenience, emphasizes calmness, self-control, and the willingness or ability to tolerate delay. Its opposite is weakness.

Perseverance is defined: a virtue, implies persistence, endurance, hardiness, fortitude, stamina, robustness and tolerance. It is constant persistence in a course of action, purpose, or state, steadfast pursuit of an aim, tenacious assiduity or endeavor.

Both definitions were taken from, http://miriams-well.org/Glossary/

In one sense, we are stuck with our family members. The neat thing about friendships is that we are generally able to choose our friends. We get to get to know people that have similar and different interests, outlooks and goals. Our friends help us along this journey of life. Friends are cool. We need to continuously work at our friendships to keep them vibrant.

Now I am going to say a little regarding dating relationships. I am no expert on the subject so I will be brief. The best advice I can provide is to ignore our American culture. It is totally screwed up. Life isn’t a Hollywood movie. Most of us aren’t going to find a love of a lifetime in 90 minutes like the actors in the romantic comedies mentioned before. It may be true for some, but I believe real relationships take time. I really wish I would have know all this when I was between the age of 16-22, it would have saved much pain. I’ve learned you are better off developing a friendship before jumping into a dating relationship. The opportunity to marry your best friend and spend a lifetime growing old together is priceless. Finally, pray, pray, pray. Ask God for guidance. I do this at least twice a day.

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” – Matthew 7:7-8

That’s all I really have to say on relationships for now.