The Hill I Will Die On

I was talking with the newest Mr. and Mrs. Mertzlufft a week after their wedding, just before another wedding. They told me I made them cry, well actually my card did, and it was a compliment. Our conversation centered around marriage. I’ve posted about relationships and marriage several times in the past on this blog. It is The Hill that I will die on. God’s plan for marriage.

What do I think? This post will attempt to lay that out. While looking back at previous posts on the subject, I realized I wrote my first essay on marriage 12 years ago, and it’s something that I have prayed about for 25 years now. Yikes! I’m middle age.

In my opinion the marriage covenant is the most important covenant two people can make with each other. The opportunity to marry your best friend and spend a lifetime growing old together is not an experience that everyone gets to experience.

I come home to a quiet, somewhat messy, house every night, and I am sure many of you with children, especially young children, would love that opportunity occasionally, except for the mess. But I’ll tell you the truth; I would rather come home to a noisy house, knowing I’d find my best friend there. To have a lifetime companion to share all my hopes, dreams, trials, and fears is worth more to me than all the riches of the world. To help, in my case, her to achieve her hopes and dreams would be an honor.

Now I realize marriage is no picnic, and being on the outside looking in, I may have a romantic ideal of marriage. But, I do know that marriage is a blessing from God, and He has a plan for yours.

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” – Proverbs 18:22

So please take time to nurture and grow your marriage, and keeping with my gardening theme, water your marriage with love.

“A friend loves at all times,” – Proverbs 17:17

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” – 1 Corinthians13:4-7.

Love is a verb, it’s alive, full of action.

Clint Black, a country singer, wrote a song that describes love that way and it really makes me think. Here’s the last line. Notice the emphasis on the word we.“There’s no request to big or small, we give ourselves, we give our all, love isn’t someplace that we fall, it’s something that we do”. – Title, Something That We Do, from the album Nothin' But The Taillights.

Guys remember she is your Ishshah. Your wife is bone of your bones, flesh of your flesh. There can be no closer human relationship, no other earthly priority. Honor her with unswerving loyalty since she is a gift from God. It's really simple. When you got married you entered into a covenant, Genesis 2:24 says you became one flesh. I don't know how God does that but the bible says he does, so I will take it on faith.

As a guy, we like to think of ourselves as “the man.” We all have different ideas on what being “the man” entails. In general, “the man” is the provider. We provide for the well-being of our family, food, clothing, and shelter. We derive a lot of self-worth from how effective we are at providing for our family. God has some pretty clear direction on how we are to treat our wives in Ephesians 5:25-31

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body. "For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

The husbands in the marriages I have observed are living out these verses. They are devoted to their wives, their best friend, and helping her achieve her hopes and dreams. They realize the truth of Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” One day I hope to as mature as these Godly men I know.

Marriage isn't easy, and in order to do all that is required as a husband we need to be grounded in the Lord. If we are not grounded in the Lord, and are chasing other lovers, whether it be work, wealth, entertainment or hobbies, etc. our focus can get lost. We need to be grounded so we can lead our wives and families. To give her and them what they need.