The last 12 months have been pretty tough. My personal life
has been a roller coaster, normally I like roller coasters, but not this
one. I like to take action, to do
something! I've been known to work nights and weekends to get work done when my
job requires it, often to the chagrin of friends and family. I can put the time in and get it done. That's
why this season has been so hard for me. I can't do anything to fix it. I need to rest
in the Lord and wait for Him to direct my next steps.
Earlier this year the message at the Crossroad's Christian
Church Men's Retreat hit me hard. In the following weeks the All In small
groups (based on the book All In by
Mark Batterson) had me struggling. The book starts out with packing your
coffin. What was the next step in my life? What was my purpose? Where did God
want me to go from here? The questions came quickly. The small group ended in
the spring, and it is now September, and I still don't have answers. But I did
come to a realization.
In order for me to get to the next phase in my life, I have
to allow Jesus to peel away the remaining strongholds of my life like layers of
an onion, and rebuild me from the inside out. I have dreams. I have ambitions. They are good
dreams, and they are noble dreams, but they may not be God's dream for me. So
in this time of rebuilding, I have to wait and let Jesus rebuild me to His
purpose and plans. In light of eternity
what is one or two years, really.
In his heart a man
plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. - Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)
The steps of a man are
established by the Lord, And He delights in his way. - Psalm 37:23 (NASB95)
Why, you do not even know what
will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a
little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the
Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” - James 4:14-15 (NIV)
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came
to be. - Psalm 139:16 (NIV)
I know I have written that waiting is hard for me. I get impatient.
Recently though my Pastor preached a message called A Pilgrim or A Wanderer. In
it Pastor Pat Kleitz laid out this principle that simultaneously put things in
perspective and convicted me.
"Whenever you go through a trial or difficult time; (wilderness
experience) and it becomes more about you than about God it will always cost
your deliverance from that experience. If you grumble and complain about it; IT
will turn from the joy of redemption to bitterness in your heart; to anger at
God or at a person; you will blame others and focus on how you have been
mistreated, neglected, or given a raw deal in life. You will drag the
difficulty through the desert like a millstone around your neck and it will
turn you from a Pilgrim walking through the desert; to a wanderer who will die
without seeing your redemption."
Over the past 12 months I have grumbled on more than one occasion.
Thankfully the ground didn't open up and
eat me for lunch. Since this message I am aware of it and trying to stop. I am
not always successful there. Thank God for Grace.
While I wait, I am currently reading the Book of Job. Job was
a righteous man who suffered much as a test and was eventually restored. What
struck me was Job 1:20-21.
At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head.
Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:
“Naked
I came from my mother’s womb,
and
naked I will depart.
The
Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the
Lord be praised.”
Right after
God allowed Satan to destroy all of Job's flocks and kill his children, Job
still praises God! Through it all, even while scraping himself on an ash heap,
Job doesn't charge God with wrongdoing.
I'm not sure
I would respond like Job in such unwavering faith.
While I wait,
I will continue to allow God to rebuild me to be more like his Son. I look
forward to the next season of life, but know I can't rush it, and I shouldn't
grumble about it. God's time is not my time.
But do not forget this one thing, dear
friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are
like a day. 9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand
slowness. - 2 Peter 3:8-9
And God's
ways are not my ways. I am but dust and spit. By the grace of God go I.
“For my thoughts are not your
thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. 9 “As
the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and
my thoughts than your thoughts. - Isaiah
55:8-9
Or as The Message puts it
“I don’t think the way you think. The way you
work isn’t the way I work.” - Isaiah
55:8-9
